Chetan: Constipation achha hota hai

He is the man with brain. Evidence? The extraordinary longevity of his memory. What we generally flush out every morning, he preserves in his mind and re-produces it flawlessly. Balancing all the cacophony of masses in a perfect harmony, he builds the paradise of buffoons. Undoubtedly, he deserves to be the Shakespeare of this art. I have no reason to condemn his fancy of being the patriarch of English literature, which he always proclaims although so far no one has bought his opinion. His success really makes me envious. I wish I also had constipation and could store all the excrement to produce my own magnum opus. Constipation achha hota hai yaar!

His craftsmanship is impeccable. No humour can be as effective as his serious and concerned statements in invoking wildest of laughter. Creating laughter is not easy. Mind it! This excellence is indisputably his prerogative, after all he is an IITian, who (according to him) are the only chosen few blessed with hi-tech knowledge and analogy. All the other disciplines of study are just a waste of time. Let me recount his one of the need-to-know quote - ‘He (Shakespeare) was probably the Ekta Kapoor of his time.’ Yes, I was a bit confused like many of you, with my petty understanding, (I don’t if I have any because I never went to an IIT) about who came first- Ekta or Shakespeare. What appeared so simple to us was de facto as complex as rocket science which was revealed after the analogy and technology of the sacrosanct IITian put on it. This wise theory was discharged by the genius (Chetan Bhagat) around year ago while announcing his next -The Story of My Marriage.

The quotable quote of the genius was devoured by the media as a new breakthrough to the society. All the theory of Einstein, Plato, and Aristotle were the things of past. The new world was to move on his recommendation of the new Shakespeare of the eon. The purpose of the event was to let the people know that after long spell of constipation, he was ready for a discharge. His works spotlessly recounts all the minute details. His lucid style of depicting how a boy would react to girl’s proposal and vice-verse is unparalleled. While, his depiction of falling in love in his work is really un-matching, once someone reads, will certainly have one thing engraved in his mind about Love—Keep Distance. His books are really a boon for those who have ample time and willing to spend it without bring any change to their lives, thought and knowledge—just read his discharges (for which the euphemism is book) . The best part is that it (his books) will let you re-live the commonest moments of your life chronically without giving any burden to think.

Hey don’t you dare call that he has acquired this skill by cramming but this is a pure analogy and technology and many other -logy of an IITian which prints everything in his mind. This genius gives the unique option of being as light and empty as you were before reading the book as you really dont get any thing out of it. This is what makes him miles ahead of Shakespeare, as he did not have this skill. Whatever Shakespeare wrote centuries ago is still contemporary and we feel carrying it forward for ever.

Not only this he is also a crusader against corruption but he perhaps fought against corruption in such hi-tech manner that the common men have never been able to notice it except on TV. He is a genuinely writer of the masses, so always craving to be among the masses and he puts great efforts in finding all the possible way to hit the places where he could the maximum publicity. He never misses a chance, to be in the public eye. We have seen his love to be in the people’s mind. How after making all the agreement with the film producers he created controversy to let the people know who he was. Though, the film was only few percent of his book.

He has been out of his beloved masses for quite some-time but fortunately he got a great opportunity to bounce back by slamming Narayan Murthy. I do agree with Chetan Bhagat, how Mr Murthy could talk anything negative about IIT, what even if he is also an IIT alumnus. Before making any opinion he had to consult the only genius on the earth. So what if you (Murthy) had sucessfully run one of the largest IT firms and perhaps hired and trained thousands of IITian your organization. These thing only can not qualify you to make such statement. No Mr Murthy. Though this genius might not have provided jobs to even a dozen of IITian and might not have a single successful venture to his credit and might have hardly interacted with fewer number of graduates from his alma mater but such agenius doesn’t really need these things. He (Chetan) is also a graduate from IIT then how could anything be negative about it? Mr Murthy, you need to get your statement back. I am sure Chetan is already into a constipation mode on this development and one day he will discharge. So the shorter his constipation is better. He will have to push little lighter in order to get some more success .So come an join the members who say - for Chetan Always, Constipation Achha hai!