“God seems to have given me all the tough time. I wish better I should have met my doom, rather than leading such a miserable life”. This is what we frequently listen to from every other man. And this is what inspired me to look deep into it and dig out the reason for this universal crybaby attitude. My intuition ultimately guides me to accept the only truth that this is all caused by the dominating flurry of stress and sense of competition in this epoch which results into the vanishing of all humane qualities from us. The whole lot has been enveloped under the faith of competition and beating others at any cost.
If the sense of competion bridges into a sweeter result, it may also give a bitter tomorrow. People are so sincere and religious in this competition that most of them don’t bother to give a little peek into their very natural and necessary affairs. That apparently put them on the track of incessant suffering and and ensue not only into engulfing the peace and rest of mind but also shoot a threat on what we have been bestowed upon from the providence.
So at this juncture it seems very close to impossible to keep oneself away from this horde of suffering minds. Though I don’t claim that each one who are ushering on the path of competition will land into a peril, but I have no hesitation in using the word ‘maximum’, for those who are at last drowned under the sea of sorrow and pangs due to the excessive fever of competition. Now the question arises who are those ingenious folk, who have been able to tunnel out the rules that make them successful all the way. What actually helps then in finding the real utopia?
*Are they born different from me?
*How do they cope with this?
* How can I be among them?
The question doesn’t end here only but every question gives birth to a new one and it’s very tough to get satisfactory answer to them. Yet I would try to uncover maximum possible elaborations. . Now with my tiny experience, that I have congregated from around in all my years. And the blessings of the power above, I would like to unearth some of the basic cause of all twinges that are abetting our lives to be surrounded under the hellish circumstances.
As we can’t talk about geography without considering the four directions, the same way I will make four directions to move around in the process of making these things explicit and striking. The four directions I am talking about are – practicality, honesty, contrast and rebellion. Don’t be scared when I talk of practicality as I won’t get you troubled to sneak into some chemistry or physics lab. But being practical means ability to come out of the tsunami of exaggerated and hypothetical suggestions and being able to make use of all the four faculties –emotion, intellect, reasoning power and physical ability in a balanced way.
Today number of people are heavily guided by emotional belief such as of Thales taking refuge in the village for his rescue from the din and bustle of the London city and the pseudo solace in the lap of nature. But being able to believe in what is in front of us with juxtaposition either side of its fate is what helps in landing at a perfect life. In simple and common word we can say that seeing both sides of the coin, means if we can enjoy the beauty of morning shower in the rainy season then we should equally be careful about the deluge might be caused by the same rainfall.
The rifest cause of pain we get in our lives irrespective to any walks of life is failure, but simply failure can’t give us much mar as we get when we try to run away from accepting it or don’t know to handle it. Even if we accept it, we take it as if it were the last source and have been failed. and put a huge lock on the door of any further fortification. And the worst it becomes when one takes one’s calamity as most severe. But at this nick of time I would say, there is not a single human being who has not gone under crucial time, but the thing is that we are quite blind to see others slump.
If we become liberal enough to see the misery of others honestly, we will certainly lessen our suffering.
To justify this I will just take a very coherent example that is –whenever we see an accident or mishap ensue on a person walking by the road and he has received an injury such as of broken head, and blood ooze out. At this scene the person who has gone through this unfortunate episode, he mutters enough courage to tolerate this but for onlooker it seems to be unbearable at the far greater degree. Sometime we find some onlookers faint after seeing an accident. This is nothing but the transparency and starkness of the accident that makes one experience and feels the pain.
Its being a physical injury everything is so ostensible and clear that could easily be perceived by anyone. This wound could be healed by proper treatment but what about those, which are not seen with naked eyes but it has a deep root in our emotion and soul. I endeavor to solve the spiritual and emotional damage. So the ultimate rescue from the perilous attitude of making ones sorrow as high as Himalayas is to develop a sense of contrast and to see those people whose pains and sorrows are far greater than that of one’s own.
Let’s take a lamb and he is always feeling sorry for his not being able to walk. He keeps on cursing his lot for his being limbless and ultimately he spoils his all years under the shower of twinges. On the other there is another lamb who is leading a blissful life just because he is able to see a blind whose pain is far worse than his. He sees how the blind is deprived of vision. And he feels very sympathetic towards the blind for he is not able to see the beauty and colors of the world. The lamb thinks he would have missed the best thing about his life. While the blind has no regrets on being blind as he is not able to see anything so does it matter whether the world or anything that he encounters is beautiful or ugly. So the blind has equal sympathy for his fellow lamb.
Ultimately, gaining bliss in life is nothing but being able to earn satisfaction in whatever state we are.
I usually find people brusquely attacking their destiny for a failure or disappointment that really doesn’t appeal to me always. though, some time I do acknowledge the cruel sneering of fate at our ruin. But it’s not always that the fate gets success in ensnaring us and as my intuition guides me to exclaim that we ourselves sometimes is not able to act according to the delicacy of the moment and that ensue into a pitfall. This age has become so fragile and delicate that we need to pay heed to every single action. Now without bragging about anymore I would directly switch to the key point.
That is – how some one gets into the stream of disappointment? To me the first reason of distress is having undeserved expectation. There is not lack of people whose unhealthy and inappropriate ambition pushes them on the wrong track of lives. They love to aspire for anything without bothering about the requirements and the intensity of effort. They are just obsessed with the glaze and prettiness of the position or the things they aspire for.
This romantic attitude of modern people is so widespread that it has made almost every intellectual to think over it. Modern intellectuals are very much concerned about this new growing disease. a modern poet – critic, T. S Eliot has raised the attitude of multiplicity of the objectives and non decisiveness of modern person in his many works such as The Hollow Man. And the same has been supported by another poet Mathew Ornold in his poem Scholar Gypsy. Such gaffe causes the imperilment of their tender life. I am certainly not discouraging, neither pushing people on the verge of pessimism but rather wish to make people come on a platform where practicality- the right track moves in.
Undeniably, I be in awe of and praise the saying –“dedication and determination is the key to success”, but what I actually try to insight here is that –with dedication and determination it is also very imperative to know the ‘right time of action’ and the ‘right direction’. And in my opinion to make these two key facts helpful in your pursuit it must be supported by some other subordinate instruments such as of ability to criticize oneself, judge ones mettle logically. But at the same you should set up a healthy limit for every thing, neither be too much critic nor be succumbed to inferiority complex.
Be sure that God has made every human being with the same clay and, every one excels from another at a certain point.
Now the quest is to find the way to maintain the balance. For this I would once again draw your attention towards the example of the blind and the lamb. Let’s assume that the lamb is determined to become the best athlete and earn medals in the Olympic, his determination is as tenacious and staunch as rock and equally is supported by his sincere devotion. So is he (the lamb) able to achieve that? Is his aspiration worthwhile? If I am to answer this, then it would certainly be a big ‘NO’. My answer is obviously a little blunt but it is measured on the scale of practicality. He might be eligible from his heart. He can give his best to make his aspiration come his way but unfortunately he has been deprived of physical qualification by the providence that can never be changed in real life. He is aspiring to become something where the most necessary part is a limb and that is what he is deprived of. So he can’t qualify that physical fitness. Though it doesn’t signify that the lamb’s aspiration was unfair and he can not gain that prestige. Unquestionably, he deserves the gain like any other; he can win the prizes as high as noble prize. But the flaw was only about choosing his area and direction of work. If the same lamb aspires to become a chess player, a writer or anything where he fits in the bill in all the ways and is supported by the same dedication I am sure that he can erect a flag of victory. In brief I would like to assert that determination and dedication supported by the right choice of the direction brings success.
The above elaboration talks about the material achievement. But can we be certain about getting the blissful life after this achievement. I don’t think its all about material bliss but the soul. Everyone in one or another way is unsatisfied with his/her performance most often it is the cursed shadow of past that batters our present. Sometimes we are too lazy to leave everything on future. We plan and wish that things will happen in accordance but sometimes it utterly appears to be a blunder. We rather took future for granted and spoil present without paying any heed to it. And when we yield and reach to that ‘future’ that we were expecting for a long time.
We start cursing our past action. But this is stark howler to remember the ill-fated past. It’s not always that people had wrong past. Sometimes we do find people boasting about their past glory and love to stay with that glory without realizing the truth of present. So I sternly advise these folk to live in the present and enjoy that moment only. As . Groucha Marx says: “Yesterday is dead, tomorrow has not arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it”. Man is the biggest foe of another man.
The quest for solace doesn’t end at this point only. This quest can end only when we stop sowing the seeds of grudges In any society we find people harboring a kind rancor against their fellowman whether the next person is in the know or not. Let’s take a very simple example: in your office one of your colleague wishes you everyday but, apparently one day he failed to do so.
Then the very next moment your evil thought goes on work and start bearing several venomous ideas. While the other man is not having any intimation about this. And now onwards you start giving vent to your rude treatment with the person. And this way the rift had born just because of this small incident. Such episode is just caused by your selfish attitude. Why you always expect that he should wish you first. You too should try to be akin in treatment.
Why are you not able to understand that the man had no any wrong intention but it was mere incidental that he was not having normal state, either he was too busy or had some personal problem that made him upset and he failed to follow his daily routine. So it was nothing but your conceit that made you suffer and you lost one of your well-wishers. So if you are able to take over your pride you can win the world as I think pride is the darkest side of one’s fate.
This incident was at least with a known fellow. But suppose if you are driving a car and you happen to hit another car. Everyone knows that no one makes mistake deliberately. Here if you become stern and don’t feel sorry. Even if the person is too humble he is not in a position to let the matter go. But at the same time if you got off from your car and approach the person and politely accept your mistake you will easily get the rescue respectfully. It had been possible just because of your polite and requesting attitude so politeness paves the path of respect. Your attitude not only gives you aid at such crucial moment but it also mean to reflect your personality. Today most of us are inspired by the happening around in such a way that we forget about own existence. For instance if we will peer into the environment of a campus. I prefer to take a peek into a university or college campus because here we find the brick out of which a society is made. After surveying different campuses, what I grabbed was that they all hanker after making a mark in one or other way and every one thinks to be the best.
I really feel great at this attitude but I don’t approve of the attitude when they try to show another fellow inferior. I think it’s a kind of injury that our soul had received. Under this influence we start being quiet and try to avoid company of the people around us thinking if I will talk to this guy I will lose my respect. But it’s never a truth because I think respect is born out of love and affection and these two things can come after company. Its not that this person is in the same line of treatment with every one, but in fact this person sees himself superior to the another fellow just to console his soul but in some corner of his heart he finds himself inferior to him (the fellow man) and that batters him not to be friendly.
Let’s have an example, we find easy to discuss any question with our friends but we become hesitant while discussing with the teacher. This happens just because we find our teachers superior to us and that is the ultimate truth. So I call out that if you think yourself to be superior by not interacting with the people you are living, you are bluntly mistaken. Because “the superior man is modest in his speech but excels in his actions”. Another strong root of frustration among the youth today is failure of their relationship. But at the same time we cannot escape from the fact that their own petty negligence drags them into the deep sea of sorrow. In this eon being in relationship is more of maintaining status amongst friends rather than for emotional bonding.
I guess around 85% of the youth go into relationship just to maintain the fashion and passion. Such thing results into their imperilment and injures their very soul. In this play it’s not always that either party was taking the emerging relation for fun sake. But when any one of the duo go serious in this artificial play of love and emotion, things turn very crucial. Because human emotions can never be guided or bounded. it can vent anywhere, anytime. So if someone pre-planes a relationship and it’s deliberately made up then indeed, there won’t be any emotional bonding and it is stark truth that carrying out a relationship without emotional tie would be no less dangerous than driving a ‘break-failed’ car that can sometime reach at the right stop. Eventually not being in a relationship will be rather wise than going for a made up and showy love episode.
The disgrace one may feel for not having a relationship would be negligible in comparison with the pain and suffering reaped with the failure of it. In such made up relationship the seeds of failure are sown at the very starting moment of the episode by one or either side. So I will strongly forbid playing with your emotion as no human being can have control over it. Give it full freedom to emote in its own way. It would be very ironic to know that sometimes too much of humility also tends one’s own malfunction in a relation of egalitarianism. At the same time I don’t approve of the tendency of flaunting one’s ego but, there is a very thin line where one needs to carry both ‘ego’ and ‘humility’ in a balanced proportion. In my opinion mutual balance is the synonymous to success. We some time witness such creepy experience where we are left with no conclusion or the reason for failure of liaison. In such case we do find too much of goodness and humbleness can also harm and leads to breakdown. It seems a little uncanny that humility can land up into mess. But when a person becomes too humble and submissive then he/she is not going for a good move. It is human psychology that when a person bullies over some one and his/her bullying is being accepted then he becomes encouraged and unconsciously reaches to a state where even the dead ego of a person rises and he revolts.
as a matter of fact there is always a limit for things. That’s the reason oppressor was inwardly having no grudge but he was oppressing it but when that limit is crossed the volcano bursts out and everything goes haywire. And finally person become dejected, lonely and becomes prisoner in the hand of materials like tobacco, cigarettes, alcohol etc.
At last the world moves under Newton’s law –every action gives equal and opposite reaction. So always be eager to do good for other so you will get same in return. Try to spread love as you will get the same in return and try to live in the day present. Be humble to everyone and also do meditation to relieve you from all anxieties. Whatever religion you are in, practice it honestly. Because every religion gives equal potential to cope with any kind of calamity. So no more staggering with the weight of stress but let’s word for- ‘distress stress and find the land of Utopia together.’
-Nabeel A. Khan
